(written in 2020)

Growing up I was always obsessed with time. Life is too short, I should do X before I’m N years old or I’m fucked.

It's curious how in such a short time stuff can change in that sense. I don’t care nearly as much about time as I used to do. But my new worry material is energy.

I definitely feel like energy for doing things is a limited resource.

Someone told me some years ago that the problem with growing up was that the only thing you didn’t have anymore was energy. Energy to go and do what you wanted.

Feels true. I still have a good bunch of it in me, but I feel my reserves depleting year by year. I don’t have that fire in me to go have a bite of the world. Is that what makes people settle down for calm lives?

I used to fear that a lot when I was little, eventually finding myself trapped in a boring life I hated. So far I have done a good job building a life I love, so no worries yet.

But how much energy do I have left?